


Scars

by TheonSugden



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, Mentions of self-harm, Scars, this is set fairly early in their relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 17:13:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3177525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Robert sees, grieves, and understands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scars

Robert told himself he’d missed the sex with Aaron, or he’d missed having control over him (or trying to have control over him, if that was humanly possible), but all he really knew was he just hadn’t felt right without Aaron. Hadn’t felt complete.

He didn’t know why he felt this way, but he was just happy to feel anything beyond betrayal and resentment. He clung to this as strongly as he clung to Aaron’s arms as he pulled him into a kiss, tinged as much with familiarity and longing as with their usual anger and passion.

Robert knew they’d only have twenty minutes in a locked garage, but he also knew those were probably going to be the happiest twenty minutes of his whole damned week.

Robert placed his trembling hands on the hem of Aaron’s hoodie, clumsily eager to tear it off along with the black shirt underneath.

"No," Aaron hissed, pushing Robert’s hands away, leaving Robert with a fresh sense of betrayal.

Robert pushed him against a wall, leaving marks of dominance along his neck and jaw. He began to try to remove those blasted garments again until Aaron’s hands held his in place, both sets of hands trembling now, for very different reasons. 

"I-I don’t want you to see me…" Aaron said, clearly trying to be harsh, but the shards of broken glass underneath each word gouging into Robert’s sense of guilt.

_I did this._

He’d taunted Aaron for his self-harm, made him feel like he was sick and wrong. Made him feel the way so many people had made Robert feel for most of his life. 

That he could have so much power over Aaron’s mind should have made him feel powerful, but instead he felt sick. He felt an overriding urge to make himself, and Aaron, feel whole again.

"I’m so sorry, Aaron…"

Aaron, clearly unprepared for apologies instead of more sarcasm and jabs, crumpled in his arms.

"Please let me see."

Aaron shook his head.

"Why? Gonna take a picture so you can have a laugh anytime you like?"

Aaron shoved him away, so unexpectedly that Robert nearly crashed to the ground. 

"No, Aaron. I’m sorry for what I said. How I hurt you. I need to see. I need to understand."

Time stood still until the moment where Aaron unzipped his hoodie, throwing it next to Robert, soon followed by his shirt.

Robert held his breath, running a sorrowful, inquisitive gaze along Aaron’s smooth, firm chest and stomach.

"Got a good look now? C’mon. Do your best."

Aaron refused to look him in the eye, trying and failing to fight back tears.

"Can I…?" Robert whispered, shaking hand reaching toward Aaron’s belly.

Another endless pause, until Aaron nodded.

Both men whimpered as Robert traced curious fingertips across the scars on Aaron’s chest and arms, leaving behind gentle whispered questions for each mark.

He wanted to know who, and how, and why. Who made Aaron do this to himself. How could they live with themselves. Why would they hurt him this way. He knew if he poked around enough in the village, he’d get his answers, but he wanted to know from Aaron and Aaron alone. 

He wanted to ask himself why he’d ignored the scars the last time he’d stripped Aaron, why he’d only cared when he could taunt Aaron, reduce him to some social media fad. He wanted to ask himself if the terrible things everyone said about him were true.

He blinked back tears as he wondered if he would cause Aaron to go back to this, to the only form of control he’d likely ever known.

"I’m so…"

"Stop sayin’ it," Aaron spat at him. "I can’t take anymore about how sorry you are and how hard this is for you. Just shut up."

Robert knew he was right.

He knelt on the hard floor, placing his head against Aaron’s stomach.

Robert felt Aaron shudder as he placed a soft kiss on the most prominent scar near Aaron’s ribcage. He placed another, and another, knowing these apologies carried more weight than a million words ever could.

He looked up at Aaron now, feeling Aaron’s teardrops falling on his forehead. His own tears slipped against the cuts and scars decorating Aaron’s upper body, Robert hoping his tears, their shared tears, would cleanse them, heal their scars, physical and emotional.

They stayed there for the next twenty minutes.

"I-I’ll tell you someday…if you want to know. If you promise you won’t…"

Robert placed a soft kiss to Aaron’s stomach. Shutting his eyes to the world outside, he pressed his cheek against the safe skin.

"I do. And I promise."


End file.
